thinking (Friday, April 10, 2009 / 10:43 PM)
thinking right now... my chest is aching. i'm not really alarmed or anything. happens all the time and i'm still alive. BUT... what if it doesn't seems like the way it should be? what if there was really something wrong with me? what if i was gonna die? how would your friends react when u tell them u are dying? how would it feel like to be lying on the hospital bed, waiting for that moment when u would never be awaken in this mortal world again. maybe it's a miracle if u managed to escape death. u may not be so lucky the next time. ever imagine how u would feel if u knew u were going to leave this place. would u live your dreams? or would u continue your life normally? is everything fated? is the time you leave earth fated? how are u gonna die? an accident? suicide? disease? murder? or peacefully? it's really hard to imagine. sometimes i think too much. too much that i often drift away, and was never able to turn back. too much that i often break down. sometimes i think too much that i often find myself stressed over the things that do not exist. but, everything seems so real. often, i find myself pretending to be happy just to forget about my thoughts. i think too much. i try to clear my mind, but as soon as it is cleared, the whole cycle repeats by itself. is the human mind so great that one may not know why we think in a certain way? am i the only one who is like this? am i weird? or just plain crazy? i need someone to talk to. but once that someone is there, i find myself not able to find the correct words to express myself. then, i usually forget about telling them, so everything is still kept within me. am i just afraid of what others would think? do i care so much about the ppl around me that i don't even care bout myself?
TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! signing off,
confused claire
i'll post on lionel's party tomorrow, once my mind has cleared off.
